mc_mike | IO to Padma Only

~~I didn't- Merlin~~

You must be angry with him.

~~You weren't~~

For loads of reasons.

~~I don't- know. Any~~

I can understand that now.

Right. Enough with the strikes.

What's that mean, then?

You're the one who instigated the strikes, you know.

It means I've no idea what you're thinking. Do you think our relationship is over? Does that mean you want to- get laid- now? And was Pansy meant to be a quick fling, or did you think it was serious at the time? She told me- and quite rightly, I know- that I didn't have all of the facts. She told me it was "sunny albeit snowy saturday afternoon." That's all I know. Don't reckon you want to fill in any more of the details, but that's "what I mean," Mike.

Do you really want to know, Padma? Because I'll bloody tell you, if you really want to know.

...yes. Yes, I really want to know, Mike. The facts of- what happened.

Right.

Can do.

What happened is Pansy wasn't meant to be anything. Reckon that sounds a mite callous, but it's the truth. That's because I didn't bloody set out with the intention of shagging the first witch I crossed paths with. I didn't bloody set out with the intention of doing anything, save getting my arse back up to the tower and feeling sorry for myself. Cho'd stormed off, going on about everything being a ruddy mistake, and I thought we were through.

Pansy and I literally ran into each other in Hogsmeade, we both had equally miserable experiences, there was banter, she intriqued me, and it happened. Reckon there isn't a need for me to go into that, yeah?

And it's the only time it's ever bleeding happened.

...Alright.

Bear with me? Please?

I take it you didn't know her much. Pansy. If she was supposed to be "nothing," if you were so "intrigued..." unless you're also intrigued by those you know well.

Um. Reckon there's no way to go about this without hacking you off. But. If you could do it once. Especially after- well, what I'd take to be a bad row with Cho, putting your relationship in jeopardy. What's to say you- wouldn't want to do it again? Especially if you- find someone who is so much more-intriguing and experienced? ~~It sounded... goo~~

Bloody hell, Mike. I don't want to turn into Cho. And I'm sick of fighting her battles for her.

I'm not going to bloody cheat on you.

Turn into Cho? How do you reckon?

Then don't. No one said you had to.

Look Padma, I've always been honest with you, yeah? Just been a matter of asking the right question, is all. You're going to have to trust me.

I don't want to bloody be with anyone else.

The right question. Right. You're testing me, Mike. Which I reckon... I reckon is fine, as I suppose I tested you as well with my questions. I just... don't know what you want to hear. Besides maybe that I trust you, but that's not a question.

I do trust you. I trust your... sentiments, anyway. I just- worry that I'm- not enough for you. I'm too neurotic and too inexperienced. I'm too much like Cho- sobbing and- abusive.

I was angry on her account because- because I think she loved you, Mike. Though I reckon I have no idea.

So. The right question. Reckon it's not why you slept with Pansy. Ultimately. ~~Or what makes last Thursday different than that day in the winter when you rowed with Cho.~~ Merlin. Just... ignore me. I am out of sorts.

I... don't want to be with anyone else either, Mike. It's always been you. Just you.

No worries. You just did.

Those're ridiculous things to worry about, Padma. Abusive? Where'd you get a rubbish idea like that?

I reckon you've a good one.

Circumstances. Loads of them.

That mean we're alright?

Merlin. And you're not going to tell me what I did, so I could- you know- repeat it?

I've always tended to worry about ~~ridic~~ things, Mike. Something Pansy said. To be fair, I had just verbally attacked her, so.

...right. Right. But that's... her affair. Right.

Well... hope they were good circumstances. Reckon they were good circumstances, what with Pansy and then- Thursday..

I want to be alright again, Mike.

Reckon I could.

Don't have to worry about that, Padma. Right. She mentioned something about that.

I'd reckon they're good, yeah.

But...?

...Incorrigible boy. As always.

Right. I shall endeavor to stop worrying about... worrying. Did she. She later told me she didn't mean it, but she was pissed at the time, so... yeah.

Good. Yes. Because nothing's changed between us, Mike. Nothing specifically.

But... we're more different than I thought. I'm sorry. I'm not saying I want to- end things, Mike- ~~please~~ I just have to- get used to it, is all. I will. I promise you, I will.

I try.

Brilliant plan, that.

Yeah, we were all a mite pissed last night. Reckon I was the only one of the lot to use a sobering charm, though. She didn't say anything off, did she?

Right.

How do you plan on accomplishing that?

I know.

I aim to please, of course.

...I didn't know you were there. Pansy only mentioned Tony. Most of what she said was- off, but I reckon I understood her meaning, as she's said much of it to me whilst sober.

Right.

I don't... know. I know you want me to- take the risk. And maybe I should, Mike, maybe I- just should.

Hold up.

...what?

...just what are you referring to, Mike?

Taking the risk. I already thought we'd done that.

Oh. I mean to say- we had. I was.

But then- when I found out about you and Pansy. When I realised that- we- view- shagging- differently. I don't know where our relationship has been heading, but we've talked about- sleeping together before and bloody hell, why am I being so bold.

I'm just trying to say that I'm trying to take the risk of being- romantic with you when we view such acts so- differently.

~~Bloody hell. Would you happen to have some alcohol left over~~

Don't know what to bloody say to that.

Right.

I don't want you taking any risks if you're not ready. Never expected you to.

If it's that difficult for you, I don't understand why you're trying at all.

Maybe because I love you.

Maybe because there's nowhere else where I can take risks like this yet feel safe. Just with you.

Maybe because I care about you, and am trying my best to make you happy.

Maybe because I'm starting to realise how ridiculously short and- senseless, even- this life can be, what with Death Eaters terrorising us at every moment.

Maybe because I'm trying to grow as a person. And I understand that doesn't come without hardship.

Maybe because I'm starting to realise that my parents' hold on me has been a hindrance all along. And I'm just... trying to break free.

Maybe I'm just so bloody damned sick of my PADMA LOGIC I could just scream. All I want anymore is you. Just you. Merlin.

And this- this doesn't even make any bloody sense anymore.

I think you shouldn't make sense more often.

You love me? You sure?

Right. Now I feel a right arse for earlier.

I'm trying on that, yeah.

I've been telling you for months, actually. Whilst you were pissed or asleep.

I'm as sure of that as I've been of anything, Mike.

So do I. And vulnerable and exhausted. Yet... hopeful too. I want to feel hopeful.

Because I trust you.

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