If I'm any of those things, I sure as hell don't feel like it. Only thing I feel is a right arse.
How can I ask them to do anything when I'm here and they're there? How can I bloody ask you to do the same? I can't. I fucking can't. We might as well be living on different planets for all the good it makes.
I know it was my decision to come to Australia and I know I hold a great deal of responsibility for my own exclusion. But it's not all mine and I don't know what else to do. All I bloody seem to be doing since I moved here is fluctuate between two extremes. Half the time I want to say sod it and pack it all up and head back that ruddy instant. There's some irrational part of me that thinks I can sodding fix everything if I come back. How ruddy arsed up does that sound? Then there's the other half when I'm in my classes or giving swim instruction or having a pint with some of my mates at the pub, and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I don't want to be anywhere else. The only way to improve on it is if you lot were here as well.
Only thing I know for cert is I can't bloody take being a spectator to your lives. If I hold off returning, it's because I need to suss out what's best all around.
Just do me a favour and stop saying how much trouble you lot must be or how sodding horrible it must be for me to be shackled with all this ruddy obligation to you. My friendships and relationships are based on a mutual love and respect, not obligation.
Private IO between Mike and Padma
How can I ask them to do anything when I'm here and they're there? How can I bloody ask you to do the same? I can't. I fucking can't. We might as well be living on different planets for all the good it makes.
I know it was my decision to come to Australia and I know I hold a great deal of responsibility for my own exclusion. But it's not all mine and I don't know what else to do. All I bloody seem to be doing since I moved here is fluctuate between two extremes. Half the time I want to say sod it and pack it all up and head back that ruddy instant. There's some irrational part of me that thinks I can sodding fix everything if I come back. How ruddy arsed up does that sound? Then there's the other half when I'm in my classes or giving swim instruction or having a pint with some of my mates at the pub, and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I don't want to be anywhere else. The only way to improve on it is if you lot were here as well.
Only thing I know for cert is I can't bloody take being a spectator to your lives. If I hold off returning, it's because I need to suss out what's best all around.
Just do me a favour and stop saying how much trouble you lot must be or how sodding horrible it must be for me to be shackled with all this ruddy obligation to you. My friendships and relationships are based on a mutual love and respect, not obligation.