mc_mike | The headline says it all, doesn't it?

Current Mood: vindicated.
Current Location: Adelaide

The headline says it all, doesn't it?

Because I'm a giving bloke and I've an unyielding need to share this ickle beaut from other parts sunny:

"International Community Expresses Outrage at Racist British Laws" -- Adelaide Independent.

Didn't need a crystal ball to See that one coming. The Daily Messenger's one along similar lines. Ruddy brilliant, yeah? Reckon I'm going to have the lot of them framed. Seems the rest of the world's taking notice and they're not buying into the bigoted bunch of bollocks our dearly loathed Ministry's all about these days. Don't see why they would, anyroad. Reckon they could smell the sodding stink of arse and shite a world and half away.

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It's not HIM that's broken into tiny pieces; it's Anthony and I. Of course I don't wish he was never born, but that doesn't mean I'm a good mother at all. He's better off with Anthony. I know that. Anthony knows that too, and didn't even argue it. I managed to ruin three people's lives all at once.

There's no way to fix this. Rosalie is right about needing to fix me. I'm more broken than they are.

How do you ruddy know if you're a good mother or not when you've'n't given yourself a fair shot at it? That's conjecture, that is, and shite at that.

Brennan deserves to have his mum, same as he does his dad, and Tony's an arse for letting you think otherwise. But you've to stop fucking running, Pansy, unless you're wanting to collect regret. Then by all means, it's yours.

I don't want him growing up with someone like my father, and isn't that what I'm like? I know Anthony thinks so. But I don't want to be so I have to fix it somehow. I know you think I'm running, but it's for the best, it really is, even if there's regret. Brennan deserves more than this.

It's not possible for Brennan to have us both. Do you know what it's like to love someone you know you shouldn't be with? The look on his face, every night, with the struggling to get along and pretending we're alright? I can't take it. Not from him; not for me. I deserve more than that and it kills me to know he deserves more than me.

Without me around, he got a job and became successful. Without me he did a lot a better, and he deserves better, so he can have it. He deserves it.

It doesn't mean I don't want them. Please try to understand?

I might have an idea or two, yeah.

You're dead wrong though. You're not your prick of a father and I don't see how you could bloody think you are. Blood doesn't make you the same. You know the way he treated you was downright shit and by not wanting Brennan to grow up the same shows a hell of a lot more character than your dad could ever bleeding hope to have. You've only to make a conscious effort, Pansy. That's where change starts. Your son's worth the effort, yeah?

Just can't see how leaving him's a better alternative to Laureen as his step-mum, because that's what's going to happen.

I can't expect that he'll never marry someone else. Laureen hates him, Mike. She said he has horrible character.

Brennan won't have her for a step-mother, but probably will have someone else.

I have to go for a few hours, so perhaps we can talk more later. I can't do this.

Right. Later.

I've been visiting with my grandmother this morning and she's told me the most - I'm not sure if it's amazing news or horrible news! I can't rightly say.

My father's mother lives in France.

And yes, I realise that doesn't mean anything to you but since my father hasn't ever mentioned his mother, nor have we ever had contact with her, I had assumed her dead. And she lives in France according to my mother's grandmother. How can this be?

You never asked after your grandparents before?

Of course I did, but I was also quickly informed that if I needed to know, I'd be told. Which I never was, as you can imagine.

And if it's not bad enough, she lives in the very same building as my father's apartmente in Paris. The one you have been to! It's just nearly unbelievable.

I think I'm going to see my grandmother. They'll just have to fine me because I am going. I think it's important.

Maybe you've met her before, taken tea, played in her flat, the full monty, and never knew it.

Send me a postcard whilst you're there, yeah? Something French. Moulin Rouge, mayhaps. The PlayWizard I've under my mattress is a mite out of date and I could do with something interesting to look at.

I have no memory of that, even though I clearly remembered Peter.

Before I found out that Peter was in fact my brother and not my cousin, I had been telling Anthony about the time we -

Either way, I don't have any memories of her at all.

Wait. You can't stop there. The time you what?

I don't want to remember memories of telling him things when I can't tell him anything now.

When I was small, my family went to Canada on father's business and I remember Peter being there. It's not terribly interesting, but I remember him at least.

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The headline says it all, doesn't it?

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