Yeah, he's here. He's okay now. We made him go to a proper Healer so his hand's loads better. He's not saying much, just that he went out drinking. He's all right now, he says.
Don't do this to me, Mike. We're not in the same country and- I miss you so bloody much; all I have is your words. Just- be honest with me; I can't hurt you from London.
Look, I bloody miss you as well. I'm just ... I'm knackered. It's not a great time for this conversation. It's not a great time for any coversation I reckon. All I seem to do is arse them up.
It was Hannah Abbot's party; that's what I was IOing Tony about. I didn't tell you because I was concerned about the propriety of mentioning a private event on a public forum. ...and I didn't message you privately because I started to get- annoyed at your persistance, like you didn't trust my motives or something.
I can't imagine you can arse up conversations as badly as I can. I've wanted to be- near you all day today. And yet all I've seemed to do lately is push you away.
Funny how that works; had you not been coy about it and went private to begin with, I wouldn't've had anything to be persistent about. Argument avoided.
I'm already ten thousand miles away; don't reckon you can push me much further. Maybe Fuck, I don't know. Maybe after the upcoming break, maybe I should stay here. 'Til Christmas or the end of November, at least. The UK's becoming something I recognise less and less and I'm not cert it's where home is anymore. My compass stopped pointing in a definitive direction a while ago.
Forget it. Forget all of it. I shouldn't've IOed. You lot've it all settled.
Don't stop being honest. You're the one being rational, you're the one being- kindhearted. Even if it hurts... it's better to know the truth.
...I can't imagine what it's like for you. There you are, in a fast-paced learning environment, located in an exotic location, with people who- hopefully don't trouble you with tales of losing children or broken marriages or faulty father figures. At least if they do, you don't have to feel- indebted to them, courtesy of years of friendship or what have you.
But please don't go. Terry's despondent, Tony's distant, Pansy's- a bitch- and I must be the worst fiancee in the world not to hold your compass steady. I have no right to ask you any of this, save to implore you to take your mother's feelings into account. She doesn't deserve your distance because of our mistakes.
...my kids are performing a holiday concert for Diwali on 9 November. I would love for you to come- but the timing's off anyway, with your studies. But it's an honest sentiment. It's where my heart lies- with this community. Now you'll know where I'll be- fixed, if you ever want to chance dry land again.
I want you to be happy, Mike. I want you to be so happy. I love you too.
If I'm any of those things, I sure as hell don't feel like it. Only thing I feel is a right arse.
How can I ask them to do anything when I'm here and they're there? How can I bloody ask you to do the same? I can't. I fucking can't. We might as well be living on different planets for all the good it makes.
I know it was my decision to come to Australia and I know I hold a great deal of responsibility for my own exclusion. But it's not all mine and I don't know what else to do. All I bloody seem to be doing since I moved here is fluctuate between two extremes. Half the time I want to say sod it and pack it all up and head back that ruddy instant. There's some irrational part of me that thinks I can sodding fix everything if I come back. How ruddy arsed up does that sound? Then there's the other half when I'm in my classes or giving swim instruction or having a pint with some of my mates at the pub, and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I don't want to be anywhere else. The only way to improve on it is if you lot were here as well.
Only thing I know for cert is I can't bloody take being a spectator to your lives. If I hold off returning, it's because I need to suss out what's best all around.
Just do me a favour and stop saying how much trouble you lot must be or how sodding horrible it must be for me to be shackled with all this ruddy obligation to you. My friendships and relationships are based on a mutual love and respect, not obligation.
You shouldn't fault yourself for wanting to fix things- or even believing you can. The truth is, you have that power, Mike. Your friendship means so much- to all of us- and that's not something, which is bound to one locale. You're with me now, Mr Corner, even if you're ten thousand miles away. I promise- I'll be better; I won't keep you out of the loop.
...I'm sorry. I reckon it's the way I was brought up- honour and duty and obligation. I'm with you because I want to be. I have a duty to respect your wishes to stay abroad if it's in your best interest. But I want you to know- I want you with me, Mike. Always.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 03:13 am (UTC)Where the hell was the last place he was at?
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 03:33 am (UTC)Terry and Seamus said that he hurt his hand shortly before the meeting, and he went to see a Healer. Perhaps they will know more.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 03:52 am (UTC)Is he okay? Is he hurt? Is he talking?
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:09 am (UTC)Don't apologise. I get it now.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:15 am (UTC)Get what now?
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:20 am (UTC)It doesn't matter anymore. It's over, yeah? No fucking worries.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 05:04 am (UTC)Look, I bloody miss you as well. I'm just ... I'm knackered. It's not a great time for this conversation. It's not a great time for any coversation I reckon. All I seem to do is arse them up.
Private IO between Mike and Padma
Date: 2007-09-15 05:16 am (UTC)It was Hannah Abbot's party; that's what I was IOing Tony about. I didn't tell you because I was concerned about the propriety of mentioning a private event on a public forum. ...and I didn't message you privately because I started to get- annoyed at your persistance, like you didn't trust my motives or something.
I can't imagine you can arse up conversations as badly as I can. I've wanted to be- near you all day today. And yet all I've seemed to do lately is push you away.
Private IO between Mike and Padma
Date: 2007-09-15 07:21 am (UTC)I'm already ten thousand miles away; don't reckon you can push me much further.
MaybeFuck, I don't know. Maybe after the upcoming break, maybe I should stay here. 'Til Christmas or the end of November, at least. The UK's becoming something I recognise less and less and I'm not cert it's where home is anymore. My compass stopped pointing in a definitive direction a while ago.Forget it. Forget all of it. I shouldn't've IOed. You lot've it all settled.
It's my turn to guard now.
I love you.
Re: Private IO between Mike and Padma
Date: 2007-09-15 01:46 pm (UTC)...I can't imagine what it's like for you. There you are, in a fast-paced learning environment, located in an exotic location, with people who- hopefully don't trouble you with tales of losing children or broken marriages or faulty father figures. At least if they do, you don't have to feel- indebted to them, courtesy of years of friendship or what have you.
But please don't go. Terry's despondent, Tony's distant, Pansy's- a bitch- and I must be the worst fiancee in the world not to hold your compass steady. I have no right to ask you any of this, save to implore you to take your mother's feelings into account. She doesn't deserve your distance because of our mistakes.
...my kids are performing a holiday concert for Diwali on 9 November. I would love for you to come- but the timing's off anyway, with your studies. But it's an honest sentiment. It's where my heart lies- with this community. Now you'll know where I'll be- fixed, if you ever want to chance dry land again.
I want you to be happy, Mike. I want you to be so happy. I love you too.
Private IO between Mike and Padma
Date: 2007-09-15 06:19 pm (UTC)How can I ask them to do anything when I'm here and they're there? How can I bloody ask you to do the same? I can't. I fucking can't. We might as well be living on different planets for all the good it makes.
I know it was my decision to come to Australia and I know I hold a great deal of responsibility for my own exclusion. But it's not all mine and I don't know what else to do. All I bloody seem to be doing since I moved here is fluctuate between two extremes. Half the time I want to say sod it and pack it all up and head back that ruddy instant. There's some irrational part of me that thinks I can sodding fix everything if I come back. How ruddy arsed up does that sound? Then there's the other half when I'm in my classes or giving swim instruction or having a pint with some of my mates at the pub, and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I don't want to be anywhere else. The only way to improve on it is if you lot were here as well.
Only thing I know for cert is I can't bloody take being a spectator to your lives. If I hold off returning, it's because I need to suss out what's best all around.
Just do me a favour and stop saying how much trouble you lot must be or how sodding horrible it must be for me to be shackled with all this ruddy obligation to you. My friendships and relationships are based on a mutual love and respect, not obligation.
Re: Private IO between Mike and Padma
Date: 2007-09-15 08:18 pm (UTC)You shouldn't fault yourself for wanting to fix things- or even believing you can. The truth is, you have that power, Mike. Your friendship means so much- to all of us- and that's not something, which is bound to one locale. You're with me now, Mr Corner, even if you're ten thousand miles away. I promise- I'll be better; I won't keep you out of the loop.
...I'm sorry. I reckon it's the way I was brought up- honour and duty and obligation. I'm with you because I want to be. I have a duty to respect your wishes to stay abroad if it's in your best interest. But I want you to know- I want you with me, Mike. Always.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:01 am (UTC)Fuck. I know there's not much I can do from here, but I wasn't expecting to learn about all of your lives through hearsay.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 07:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-15 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-16 04:37 am (UTC)